By Corinne Flax

September 27, 2005

No I'm Knot

It's 6:30 on Monday night, do you know where your energy went? I know where mine went - out the window when my manager changed my schedule without telling me. The fact is, my manager came into my job this morning around 6, changed the schedule, and left. In his head, he'd made the alterations over a week ago, but since he didn't tell anyone I don't think they really counted. When I was in college a friend of mine would talk about having 'secret boyfriends'; these were guys who she liked, but only from a distance. I think my manager is having a similar relationship with our store. He's running it, but secretly.

My whole day was entirely planned out and scripted today. I was going to get up at 9, do my morning stuff, go for a walk, and then sit down for two fairly uninterrupted hours of writing time. I was going to write my autobiography for Bank Street, and maybe look at my resume for NYU. Then I was going to take a shower and make myself dinner for work. I didn't have to be at work until 3 so I figured there was time enough for everything. Boy was I wrong! When I got back from my walk there were all these frantic messages on my cell phone begging me to call my job, or just show up. Apparently I was already an hour late for work, dammit.

So now it's a whole eight and half hours later and I'm sitting here half dressed, sort of on my way out the door already. I'm planning on hooking up with a couple of friends to watch movies and eat sushi. Realistically I should be sitting here until I get everything written that I have to write, but that ain't gonna happen. Instead I'll do tomorrow what I planned on doing today, and try and act happy about it all. I'll be adding a nice episode of bill paying to the aforementioned schedule, so that should make it even better.

Honestly, I'm addicted to other people. Heaven forbid a day should go by without seeing one of my friends, (usually Anthony, but I'm not picky,) I'd probably faint dead away without human contact. This past weekend was really great for me, lots of birthday parties and glitter, with a good dose of beer mixed in. There's something about the beginning of autumn, it makes everyone nostalgic for summer and therefore more apt to get a little bit crazy. I can see it in my customers at work right now, they've all got ants in their pants waiting for something to happen. Fall is when relationships start or fall apart, it's when everything hurries up so it can slow down for the long winter. It's also when my birthday is, in case you've forgotten.

So tomorrow is a big day, and I refuse to let myself slack off and not do anything. There is no not tomorrow, unless its not watching tv, not staring into space, and not talking on the phone. Also I will not be going to work early, and definitely not meeting anyone for lunch. So actually I guess I was lying when I said there'd be no not tomorrow, because that was a lot of not. Maybe what really don't want are knots, the kind that snag you up and keep you from getting to whatever it is that comes next on the thread of life. That must have been what I meant, no knots tomorrow. Except maybe the nautical ones, but only if I'm writing on a sailboat.

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September 23, 2005

Dum Di Dum

I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now, and not in that cosmic 'where am I, where am I going' way. No I'm actually supposed to be over at Columbus right now...and I am going. Just not quite yet. Can I help it if I over book my time to an extent that is shocking? Here's a list of stuff I've done this week; worked for 40 hours, went to New Haven for incredible pizza, hiked at Devil's Den, sang Karaoke, met two people I'd heard a lot about, cooked eggs multiple times, stayed up till 3 most nights, got yelled at by the crazy woman, had soba noodles with an old friend, mailed out my recommendation packet, wrote a couple blogs, talked on my cell phone for hours, watched Dial M for Murder, wrote multiple emails to multiple distant friends, set in motion plans for a birthday party, cleaned my car, and today I'll be volunteering over at Columbus.

This list, complicated and full as it is, is not full enough. Where on that list is 'finished filling out applications for schools'? It's not on the list, because I didn't do it. I thought about doing it, but I didn't. Why didn't I? It can't be because I'm lazy, because I'm not. It can't be because I don't want to go to school, because I do. It can't be because I don't have the resources to finish my applications, because I do. It must be because I'm procrastinating, and one usually procrastinates about things one is afraid of. Which begs the question, what are you afraid of Corinne? Besides spiders and tent caterpillars I'm afraid of rejection, and of being stuck, but if I don't get my act together I will be stuck here, in Norwalk, and I'll never get rejected because I'll never have applied.

Within the next two weeks I have to finish the Bank Street application so I can start on the NYU one. Columbia and Hunter have later deadlines, but I'd like to have everything done by November first. On the one hand I'm worried that I won't get my applications done on time, that I'll be overnight fed-exing everything to my schools and praying they get there in time. On the other I've never missed a deadline in my life, so as I watch the days flying by like toasters with wings I am not as worried as I could be about my lack of productivity. Somewhere in the back of my head a voice says it'll all get done, somehow.

Now that I've got all that out I feel rather better. Lord knows I'm full of good intentions, it's just a matter of putting intention into action. Whenever people ask me what I'm going to be doing in a year I tell them I'll be in school again. When they ask me where I sort of shrug and say "Hopefully...." It would be amazing to actually know where I'll be standing in six months, but I've signed up for the long haul, and I know in the end everything will be clear, or at least legible. So now it's a matter of hauling some ass on the applications, getting my official transcripts together, and keeping my head above water. My grandmother Mega is always surprised at how logical/down to earth I can be, she tells me "I always thought you were the flighty one, and that Leah was the sensible one." I'm always surprised she thinks I'm sensible.

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September 20, 2005

I Got Yelled At By A Crazy Woman

Well gentle readers, it's been one of those days. I'm not sure exactly what I mean by that, but believe me it's true.

Alright, let's get focused here. Today I got up and went on a nice walk, made myself a lovely breakfast (eggs with peppers and mozzarella cheese on whole wheat toast,) took a shower (finally,) and went to work. Work was blissfully easy. Even though we were short staffed it was no sweat. I just floated through the day, until I was suddenly sucked into a ridiculous argument with a ridiculous woman. This woman, this crazy woman, she came into my store and nothing else was the same after that.

I didn't recognize the crazy woman at first, but when she placed her drink order I knew it was her immediately because of the specificity of her order. She walked into my store cool as a cucumber and ordered a venti (large,) 2% chai, no ice, with a venti cup of ice on the side. In affect she was blatantly ordering two drinks...and for some reason I cared about this. Why I cared is still a mystery to me, I could not even begin to tell you why I felt affected by her cheating of the proverbial system. Honestly it shouldn't even matter/ have mattered to me. What do I care if Starbucks gives out a little extra milk? I give away drinks all the time, we're sort of supposed to. I personally drink a whole lot of tea and espresso when I'm working, and the company is doing just fine, so what possible damage could this one woman's drink do?

At any rate I decided to tell this woman she couldn't get away with cheating the system. Politely I said to the crazy woman "I'm going to make this drink for you this time, but you can't get a no ice drink, and then get a cup of ice on the side. We can't make it for you next time, we're not supposed to." Which is the honest truth, but I would have made the drink for a regular, so again I feel like an idiot for saying anything to the crazy woman. Just because someone is not a regular doesn't mean they shouldn't get the same kind of service.

I feel small and stupid even thinking about the fact that I didn't want the crazy woman to get her chai. The following scene which she created more or less served me right. After I told the crazy woman she couldn't have her chai, she told me off. She told me I was criminal to represent Starbucks in this way, she told me I was trying to cheat the customers, that she knew what her rights were and that I was evil to not let her have her chai. The word criminal was repeated over and over again, while a line slowly built up behind her.

My assistant manager was standing there the whole time, and she did nothing. She didn't say anything one way or another. So I stood there and took it. When the crazy woman was done I told her "We can make you your drink today, but we can't make it anymore." The crazy woman said "I'm going to another Starbucks where they'll make my drink." and I said "Ok." On her way out the crazy woman stole a whole handful of straws, for no obvious reason.

I don't even know what to say. Everyone in the line behind her was very nice to me, but I feel like a fool. Not like a criminal really, but like a fool.

Sigh. Guess I'll go play scrabble.

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September 18, 2005

Lovely Weather We've Been Having

I feel like I start a lot of these with weather updates, and maybe that's getting a little bit boring, but oh well. Today is so bright and clear it makes you want to run around barefoot in a wet field. My mother and I saw a humming bird in the back yard, and she took a picture of it, but we're not sure if it's going to come out. On my walk I saw: a cat slinking in the high grass, a monarch butterfly flirting with a pine tree, and a hawk looking for some action. The marsh grasses are just beginning to turn orange and yellow for fall and with the tide high the contrast between the grasses and glimmering blue water is just too beautiful for mere words to ever explain.

Weather like this always comes after a big storm, and it's been raining so hard for the last couple of days, it felt like we were all going to get washed away. A bunch of streets got flooded and cars got ruined. I actually heard a few people saying things like "Where are we, New Orleans?" which seemed like it was in very poor taste to me. The waters still haven't receded all the way, leaving huge puddles on low lying streets. These puddles look like huge blue eyes staring up into the crisp skies. I can't help but get all flowery when the air feels like its caressing you and the wind carries nothing but promises.

Now that the dead fish have more or less passed through town, (although there are still some bodies washing up,) it's time for spider season. Every fall we get the craziest infestations of spiders. Their webs are everywhere, silken strings glistening and waving in the fall breezes. At first I couldn't stand all the damn spiders. Every time I got into my car I'd walk through their webs and feel disgusting. There's really nothing quite as repulsive as the feel of spider silk stretching out across your face. Of course what really makes my stomach crawl is the location of the spider that made the web I walked through, as in, where is the location of the spider?

Even my house is filled with spider webs. Every single hard to reach corner is clotted with webs, the webs get filled up with dust, and everything just looks spooky and gross. I've heard it is bad luck to kill a spider, and so I try really hard not to, but there is something inherently scary and repellant about the way they are shaped and move. Just look at a spider and tell me your stomach doesn't clench up just a bit at the thought of its legs touching your skin.

A couple of weeks ago I got home from a friend's house really late at night, maybe around two or three in the morning. I was listening to "Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Origin of the Egg" an incredible album, and I sat in my car to listen to a few more songs before going in to the house to go to bed. I park my car in a sort of wooded spot across the street from my house. With my headlights on I could see all the spiders in the woods, and they put Time Square to shame with their busyness. I sat there just thinking of all the worlds that exist within the world that I exist in. Then my head started to hurt and I went to bed.

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