By Corinne Flax

August 1, 2005

B's House

I just got back from a canoe trip in Massachusetts and I feel completely wrung out and scraped up. Having just spent the last three days jumping in and out of canoes, setting tents up on sand bars, and jumping off of bridges I am all Huck Finned out right now. Every time I turn around and see a wall I'm totally surprised. I would love to share all of my exploits right now, but I think there'll be time for that later. What I want to talk about, briefly, is a trend which I am sure is only going to continue and grow stronger as I get older. All my friends are moving in with their boyfriends and talking about buying houses!

Well not all of them, but a lot of them. For example my friend who I went canoeing with, Bianca, she lives with her boyfriend Sam. They are talking about buying a house next year because 'It just doesn't make sense to pay all this money each month for an apartment and then have nothing to show for it at the end of the year.' Bianca also told me that 'Since Sam and I are going want to stay together forever its time for us to start thinking about our future.' Needless to say this type of talk makes me feel vaguely nervous, and not just because forever is a scary word.

In my wildest dreams home ownership has yet to show its face. The thought of owning property makes me feel awfully nervous. Bianca is not the first of my friends to start talking this way, but she is certainly the closest. We were roommates in college, lived together after graduation, and I think its safe to assume that if our financial situations were different we'd be living together still, in an apartment in Boston or Worcester. I had no money however, and I moved away, she started dating Sam...and the rest is, as they say history.

The thing about Bianca is that she wants to be a professor. Right now she works for a healthcare company, doing their intake processing. In her future she sees graduate school and work at a prestigious university. One of the best things about the company she works for now is that they are willing to pay 75% of grad school costs. So for now Bianca has to try and figure out how to work full time, look for a house, and find time somehow to start school again. I don't feel that Bianca's road is necessarily harder, better, or more interesting then mine, its just different.

I got up to Massachusetts on Thursday night and we stayed up late cooking beef stew for the trip, drinking red wine, and discussing our futures. We wondered why there was no easy access guide for figuring things out. One of Bianca's issues is that while her English GPA was a 3.7 her overall is somewhat lower, closer to be a 2.5. She wondered whether or not she would be able to even get into the schools she wants to attend based on her GPA, and getting into a good school means she would be able to teach at better colleges. We discussed how to get recommendations and how we thought different colleges wanted us to appear and act. Then she started talking about how much she could pay on a mortgage and when the best time to look for a house would be.

Sometimes its like we live in the same universe but perhaps not on the same planet. It was fantastic spending time with her and I can't wait to barbeque in her future back yard, I hope they get a house with a pool. I'll write all about the canoe trip next time, for now just know that there is a river in New Hampshire called the Saco and that river is a beautiful place.

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July 27, 2005

With Friends Like This

Yesterday I talked with a friend who I hadn't spoken with in awhile. Usually it's nice to catch up with old friends, reestablish contacts, etc. In this case what seemed like an innocuous conversation turned around when I wasn't looking and bit me directly in the ass.

Let me explain. I can be self possessed and sure of myself, but I can also be neurotically unsure and prone to flip decisions. Generally I like to have a back door that I can slip out of at any given time. Up until recently that back door has always been moving back in with my parents, and unfortunately I have had to play that card. At first it was a relief to have moved back home. I certainly wasn't making enough money to support myself in Boston, and there was no good reason to be there. When I moved back I promised myself that I would not leave again without a concrete plan, and that I would not return.

Now, almost one whole year after moving home I have settled upon a plan. The plan, as discussed at great length previously, is to move to New York with my sister, work really hard for the first nine months or so that I'm there, and then start graduate school at Bank Street where I will major in education. If I don't get into Bank Street I would be willing to go to a few other schools, but Bank Street is my first choice. There's a little nagging voice inside my head that says I should apply to a few writing programs, but for now I've managed to silence this voice with logic and reason.

Back to my conversation with my friend. My friend, let's call him Tod, lives in New York and is trying to make his life work as an artist. This means he has to work all sorts of weird jobs and hours, but I believe he is finding some success. When I told Tod about Bank Street he said "Are you really sure you want to be a teacher?" Since I'm not 100% sure I sort of stuttered. Tod went on "I mean you told me you really hate paperwork, and I bet there'll be a lot of that." Finding my voice (at last,) I was able to retort that "There's a lot of paperwork in life, and I'll have to do it." Then Tod asked me "And what about a job, you're going to need a job." Thank god I had a quick answer to that "Starbucks!" Tod professed himself to be disappointed in me "You're really going to stay with that company? Don't you want to try something new? You don't want to work for them forever do you?"

At the time I was able to fight back with sunny answers and chirpy come backs. Later that day though the things Tod said haunted me. Will I be able to do all the paperwork? What about going back to school, how hard will it be for me? What if I don't want to stay with Sbux? Am I turning into a corporate shill? Essentially it all comes down to lifestyle. At the heart of the matter is the fact that as hard as it is being as adrift as I am, I enjoy my existence right now, and I'm about to impose all sorts of rules and constraints on it. But that's not what really scares me. I'm scared that I will fail, or that I'll be successful but unhappy with the life I've chosen for myself. Thanks Tod for making me think about all this stuff for the ten millionth time this week, you're a real pal.

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July 26, 2005

Boss On The Barb

So in just about half an hour I'm driving to the Starbucks I work at. There I will be meeting with the other shift supervisors and assistant managers of my store. We will all get into a car and drive upstate to our manager's house, where we are going to a barbeque. My boss wanted me to prepare a list of topics that I thought we should all discuss, but I haven't done that. I probably should, since it'll look good. I guess I'll go do it now, and finish this whenever I get home. For the record I'm a little nervous about this. Mr. Boss Man made a big deal about there being wine and beer there, and I don't really want to be all buzzed in front of my boss. I think there's some sort of protocol about that sort of thing.

Well writing that list sure was hard. It took all of five seconds. How do you discuss something as simplistic as running a store? I mean I don't really know enough about the intricacies of ordering things to comment on that. What I do know about is mopping the floor, scrubbing the bathrooms, picking trash up in the parking lot, and trying to keep the windows clean. There's not all that much to discuss in respect to keeping windows clean, you just sort of have to clean them. It's not that big a deal.

Truthfully I love working at Starbucks. Its entertaining, provides me with free coffee and cookies whenever I want, keeps me talking to lots of new people, and doesn't pay badly at all. I fully intend to continue on with the company as long as I can, because the stability is really encouraging and I've done well with them. This doesn't mean that I want to sit around and talk about deployment. Deployment is how you balance customers with store needs, ensuring everyone gets their drink quickly and correctly in a clean environment. Personally I think I rock at deployment. The way we move behind the counter can be as ordered as the orbits of electrons around a nucleus. It's only when people step outside of their orbits that the patterns are disrupted and chaos reigns.

In fact Deployment is something that you have to engage in on a daily basis if you've got a schedule that's even modestly full. How else do you balance food shopping with food preparation, working with sleeping, relaxing with bringing home work? It's difficult to balance everything out, but just about everybody manages to do it, otherwise they end up not getting anything done. Sometimes its fun to take a step back and watch the frenetic dance that modern life makes us do. What I've realized is that not everyone is even aware of this beautiful picture of balance and proportion that I'm trying to paint.

Well now I'm off to discuss appropriate methods of giving people cigarette breaks. If I'm really lucky maybe we'll talk about dress code. I've been defying the Starbucks gods for a long time, refusing to take out my nose ring, so maybe we'll talk about that. At least there'll be burgers. More on this waste of time later.

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July 24, 2005

What Is The Meaning Of Existence?

I've been at two different barbeques in the last two nights. Two nights ago I was at a small party, held at my friend's parent's house. In charge of the grill was a Culinary Institute graduate. Needless to say the food was exquisite. From scallops to steak he did it all, and did it very well. Accompanying the meal was a selection of fine wines chosen by people who actually understand wine, unlike myself. We sat and talked and drank long into the night, and everyone went to bed full and happy.

Night before last I went to a much larger party. Again at a friend's house where parents were away. This party was singularly distinguished by its having a large overheated swimming pool that glowed a cloudy blue green thanks to foggy chlorine. The food was mostly generic (burgers and dogs,) with three different types of alcoholic punch being the main attraction. I only knew a few people there, and the party did not mingle well. Every now and then you'd see someone trying to join a different group. This person would be hovering on the outside like a hyena, waiting for a conversational bone to drop so they could jump on it and pick it clean.

Another thing that I did yesterday was go to an estate sale. I was able to wander freely through the house of an old woman who died a week ago at the age of 92. Every room was open, and filled with the tiny scraps that life accumulates. Even the wash cloths were on sale for twenty five cents each. I picked up an old necklace and a collection of recipes that this woman had written down over the years. She seems to have been very interested in the multiple uses of vinegar; cleaning, pickling, dressings etc.

By now you're probably thinking 'Well ok Corinne, this is all very nice. We're glad to hear you have a nice active social life and enjoy second hand things. Why should we care?" I'm not sure if there's any reason anyone should care about what I do and what I think of the world around me. Everyone's been to a party before, everyone has the opportunity to buy things at estate sales. In no way are my experiences unique, but they're what I've got.

Here's something else, all these things that I do are in a way unreal. I know that in six months I'm moving (where...well somewhere in the five boroughs,) and I know that this move will spell drastic changes in my life style...like not having a car or living anywhere near houses that have pools in their backyards. Soon I'm going to have to start the process of redefining my life in a novel and (hopefully) fulfilling way. For now the days are long, the air is warm and so is the water. Its summer and all I want to do is lie in the shade with a good book and a cold drink. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that really.

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