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By Corinne Flax
August 8th, 2005
Ups and Downs, Highs and Lows
It's one of those August days that seems ripe for a thunder storm. It went from sunny and bright to grey and overcast in about thirty minutes. All the leafs are twisting and turning on their stalks and the birds have taken to the trees where they chatter excitedly to one another. I'll know for sure its going to rain when the birds all become quiet, and the only noise is the cicada's perpetual whir.
In three weeks I am taking the GREs, and it is my hope that I only have to take them once. How amazing would it be to score excellently on this test, and be able to use that as a buoy of self esteem when applying to schools in November? Having been forcibly bumped from Fall 2006 to Spring 2006 as my first semester (thanks mom and dad,) I am now seriously replanning my life. Until the test on August 30 th, I am going to be focusing a lot of energy on my GREs. My study methods for the GRE include using random testing company's work books, taking the tests on the practice CD that was sent to my house by the testing agency, making flash cards, and praying.
I know for a fact that if I can score high enough on this test then I am more or less guaranteed to get into NYU, given I write a good enough essay, get excellent recommendations, and my previous good grades are seen as being good enough. I need to score somewhere in the high 1200s and the 1300s, if I want to be considered for the better schools. This is a rather high order, actually. Yet I feel confident that if I really concentrate and work for at least an hour and a half every day between then and now (with breaks for the weekend...) I will be able to get the scores that I require.
One thing that worries me a little bit about all of this is that this will be the first time I take a standardized test like this without being on some sort of study medication, by which I mean aderayl or ritalyn. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in third grade, but I decided a year ago that I wanted to never take my medication again. It makes me anxious and irritable, leads to some strange decisions, and causes me to sleep very poorly at night. Unfortunately it also makes it a lot easier for me to concentrate for prolonged periods of time.
In the end I may end up starting with the medication again, if I don't do well enough on the test, which is exactly what I don't want to happen. I really want to believe that I've learned enough coping mechanisms to combat my ADHD and do well on standardized tests without being under the influence of Type 3 Narcotics.
On a side note a good friend of mine who is having his own battle studying for the LSATS just called me. He wanted me to know his sister says all I have to do is do well on the GRE and I'll definitely get into NYU. He said "Hey Corinne I know its crunch time right now, and you need all the support you can get. But I think you can do this." It meant a lot to me that he just randomly called me to tell me that.
Check out Christian Stella's Blog, but more importantly read Ribcage, its something I've never seen before.
connecticulture.blogspot.com
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August 4, 2005
Stung
It seems as if I have thought myself a day forward from where I actually am...since I was nearly certain today was going to be the fifth, and it is in fact the fourth. This must happen to other people all the time...right? I feel a bit like the proverbial ball in a pinball machine, all the different bells and whistles have me in a total spin, and it feels kind of neat.
This morning I had a meeting with my parents. Yes a meeting with my parents at 10am, and they were a little late. Despite the fact that we live together I have somehow managed to work out my life so that we see very little of one another. When we do see one another it is rarely at times when anyone wants to discuss my continued presence in the house, except in the context of my needing to do something like close the windows because its starting to rain. So we have to schedule these meetings so that we can 'touch base' and what not. Generally the meetings disintegrate into my saying "Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out,"which is super mature, I know. This time they actually managed to say a few things that made sense like 'how much is school going to cost' and 'maybe you should try and start Spring 2006 instead of Fall 2006, so you'll be done faster. I think I'm actually going to follow their advice this time, which should surprise those who know me.
It's not that I have a bad relationship with my parents, its just that I don't handle authority all that well. According to my recent review at Starbucks the area I am most lacking in is 'interpersonal savvy' which I believe means that I fight with my boss to much. At any rate after an hour and half long meeting with my parents, followed by a separate half hour sob session with my mom. The normal question was asked, "Why does Dad have to be such a jerk mom?" Which garnered its normal reply "That's just his way honey." Then my mother and I went swimming together down at the neighborhood beach. It was great. The water is so warm right now, you can dive right in without having to adjust to the temperature or anything like that. Plus they just got new sand at the beach so its soft and white and shell free. We were just doing a second lap out past the float when tragedy struck.
My mother was saying something along the lines of "Isn't this nice?" when I suddenly felt as if someone had raked hot coals down my legs. "Auch!" I said lyrically, "I've been stung mom." If you haven't guessed already I'll tell you, it was a damn jelly fish, and it got me good. Both my legs were tingling like crazy from my thighs down to my ankles. By the time we swam to shore it felt like I was on fire and my legs were puffing up and covered in blotchy red marks.
The cure for a minor jelly fish sting, and this was minor despite the pain and anguish I experienced, is meat tenderizer. You pour it onto your legs and rub in some salt water and wait. The chemicals in the meat tenderizer neutralize the stingers in the jelly fish and eventually draw out the toxins. In the mean time your legs hurt a lot. I sat on the beach and whimpered and chatted with the life guard, a girl I've known since birth. It turned out she is planning on going to grad school in the spring too. She wants to go to Sacred Heart and is planning on majoring in Education, small world right? We spent about an hour talking about how we have no idea what we're really doing and how we just stumbled on teaching because we like kids and need a steady job. Eventually the swelling went down and I was able to limp home. This summer has been very tough on my body. I'm covered in bruises and scratches, my shoulder still aches a little and there's still a mark from where the damn deer tick bit me. Being an outdoorsy active person is really dangerous. I spent the rest of the afternoon looking at the cost of graduate school (to much,) and doing math problems for the GRE (to hard). My head is swimming in numbers and application dates, my legs still feel funny, and I've decided to apply to schools in November instead of April. All this and it's not even six yet.
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August 3, 2005
Saco Bound
As promised yesterday I will now outline my adventure down the Saco River. The Saco river is a river I know almost nothing about, even though I have traveled down roughly 20 miles of it in a canoe. This is what the Saco River Corridor Commission (established in 1973) has to say about the river.
"The Saco River begins high in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Tumbling down, it enters Maine as it reaches the broad Fryeburg plain, the ancient bed of a glacial lake, where it meanders north, east and then southward in its search for the sea. Passing through the eastern foothills, the Saco is joined at Cornish by the Ossipee River, which flows east from New Hampshire down a narrow valley. As the Saco drops out of the foothills, it is joined by the Little Ossipee River, which arrives, like the Ossipee, from the west. The river then finds the coastal plain and makes its way to Saco and Biddeford, where it enters the Atlantic Ocean at Saco Bay. Together, the three rivers are bordered by 300 miles of Maine riverfront, most of which is privately owned ."
Here is what I have to sat about the Saco River; it's as close as you can get to my ideal summer vaction in New England. To vacation on the Saco you need a boat, a tent, some food, and your beach gear. The nights were cool and clear, the days warm and sunny. We made campfires every night and sang songs. During the day we would paddle lackadaisically down the river drinking beer and eating sandwiches. Whenever you felt to hot you would jump right in the water. The bugs stayed in the woods and seemed unable to figure out how to get to our tents on the beaches, although they were ready for you whenever you had to use the bathroom.
What else is there for me to tell? Honestly not a whole lot. I didn't really learn anything about myself or anyone else on this trip. I spent the majority of my time enjoying myself, which is really how a vacation is supposed to work. When I went to Israel (in early June) everything was very intense. Every moment was filled with the thrill of the unknown. Israel was a tremendous experience and one that I will certainly take with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life. Just being in a place like that can really open your eyes, and sometimes you wish you could close them again. Going to Alaska with my family was another fantastic experience. It was incredible being able to spend so much time with my near and dear ones, and surprisingly we didn't fight at all. I especially enjoyed seeing how my cousins, who are all so much younger then me, are growing into themselves. They make me feel very hopeful and proud, because they are all going to grow up to be amazing people with super lives.
Saco was a vacation for me. It wasn't about learning about my culture (religion?) or spending time with my family. Sure it was great to be with my college roommate Bianca, and it was nice to see all the people I'd met it Worcester and on previous camping trips, but it wasn't about being with other people, it was about being in a canoe in the sun all day long. This trip was about cold beers and ziplines over rivers. Hauling yourself into a canoe and trying to navigate rapids without knowing what you were doing. It was about Bianca's canoe capsizing the first night we were there, in the dark, and everyone jumping into the river to save the Corona, except me because my canoe was stuck on a rock.
Here's what this trip was about the most; a fifty foot tall bridge at the end of the river. The whole trip people had been telling me about this bridge, how only the really brave people jump off of it, and how that's what entertains everyone else as they wait for the shuttle to pick up their canoes. Before we'd even left Massachusetts my mind was made up, I was jumping off of that bridge. Let me just say, fifty feet is very high up when you're standing there listening to trucks rush by and feeling the bridge swaying ever so slightly beneath your feet. Fifty feet up seem a lot shorter after you've jumped and the river rushes up and covers your head. As you struggle to the surface your skin starts tingling and you feel light headed with adrenaline. It was a great vacation, and I'm glad I went.
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August 2, 2005
I Was A Complicated Child, Part 1
When I was a wee lass, I mean child, I was not exactly a happy go lucky creature. It was in my nature, as it always has been, to be happy, cheerful and gregarious, but this side of me rarely got a chance to surface. I have always been the type of person who is only really happy if there are people around with whom I can share my happiness. What I'm really looking for is the approval of those around me, the head nod that says "Yes Corinne, you're doing the right things at the right times, continue." Now that I've gotten older I am aware that I cannot always be looking to others in order to see myself, but as a child it that wasn't an easy thing for me to understand. Sad to say there weren't very many people interested in sharing my happiness with me when I was younger, and so much of the time I was frustrated, sad and lonely.
Which brings me to the present. Last night I went with my friend T and my sister to go see my friend's band, The States, play at Arlene's Grocery in Manhattan. After the show we had a couple beers and then went to another club called The Livingroom where Norah Jones was playing a free concert with her band, really it was more like the band was playing with Norah Jones, but that's another story. After that my sister and I went to her dorm room and sat up talking for awhile, went to sleep and in the morning she went to work and I went home. When I got home I went to the beach, went swimming and took a walk for an hour to let my clothing dry off. All in all its been an awesome week for me, and there's a whole lot more to get through.
When I was growing up I don't think I could ever have imagined myself having the friends to do what I did last night. Certainly I never could have imagined myself getting invited to go see a secret concert at midnight in Manhattan. If it were physically possible I'd love to take a video of my life now and bring it back in time to me from the ages of 10 to 19. I'd have said "Look it's all going to be ok, really, its going to be ok. Please try and concentrate on your school work and after-school activities. Focus on figuring out who you want to be when you grow up instead of who you want to hang out with." It's doubtful I would have believed any of that, no matter what the video proved, but it wouldn't hurt trying.
I was in Barnes and Noble today buying a GRE prep book (I'm taking the test for the first time on August 30 th, wish me luck,) and when I was leaving I caught a glimpse of the cover of Time Magazine. There's a 13 year old girl on the cover in a pink shirt. The pink shirt reads 'I'm a very complicated child.' This made me start thinking all about myself as a child and how very complicated and angry I was. The sad truth of the matter was that I just didn't know how to play well with others. All I wanted was to have friends and fit in, and I failed totally to do so.
Now I'm 23 and I've not only learned how to make friends I'm even tackling being by myself and enjoying it (although I do tend to have an imaginary audience with me at all times.) It's amazing to me that despite how far I think I've come, and how successful I sometimes feel there's still so much farther to go. Now that I've finally gotten hanging out and going out down to a science I have to learn that there's more to life then figuring out where the next party is and who's going to be there. How bloody annoying is that? I feel like last night was as great as it gets, but how much better would it have been if I was going back home to my apartment in New York instead of my sister's dorm room? How much cooler would I have felt if I could have said that I was going to school instead of hoping to get my applications together? You think that you've come so far, and it just means you've got so much farther to go. Hindsight's always 20/20 and today is never as good as yesterday might have been. I sound like I'm 75.
Send comments to: corinne@college-admission-essay.com
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