By Kimmie Smith

Living within a dorm makes you instantly closer to most people than you have ever been before. The ideal of communal property with an entire floor of people and sharing a very small room with another person can be a bit daunting. Whether your roommate is your best friend or someone that you have become friends with through the experience - problems do occur. Somehow living in a small space and learning to navigate so many new issues can create disharmony in your living situation. Things that may not have bothered you before may bother you now. It is normal for disputes to emerge but it is how you deal with them is essential. Here are common disputed that happen between roommates and ways that you can handle them. If at any time you feel that you have attempted to settle the situation it is advised that you go to your Residence Advisor or RA and make them aware of the situation and detailing how you have attempted to settle it. Once you have consulted with your RA he/she will handle the situation between the two of you.         

Issue 1 - Early Risers & Late Sleepers

Sleep is always an issue that emerges. Even when you believe that you have outlined when you like to go to bed and when you like to get up. As time goes on you realize that although you may not wake up at the same time, when your roommate wakes up to go to her 8:00 am class, her hairdryer is really annoying when you didn't have to get up until 10:00 am. Other times people are annoyed when they go to bed at 12:00 pm and although you're quiet, your light is still on while you are studying. Other times people may take a nap in the afternoon and find it difficult when you are studying with music on. These are minor issues but they tend to have serious arguments over time.  The best way is to resolve this and to accommodate one another. If you have to study with music and someone is sleeping, regardless of the hour - use headphones. If you are an early riser and you dry your hair, try to do this in the bathroom so that your roommate doesn't hear this while he/she is sleeping. If it is later in the evening and near midnight, agree on the latest time that you can study with the light on. After this time, you may have to use the study areas within your dorm to finish your homework or projects.  

Issue 2 - Friends

Your room is not only where you live, sleep and study but it is also where your friends hang out. Be cognizant of one another's schedule. If you know your roommate is going to be studying for a big test discuss whether he/she will be studying in the room or if your friends will be coming over. Be willing to switch back and forth - if your friends were over last week and they studied elsewhere, be considerate and return the favor. Be aware of whether your friends are constant fixtures. In many cases your roommate may not mind but it is always appropriate to ask.  It is always good to introduce your friends to your roommate so that he/she feels comfortable with them being there when they are not. Remember your roommate may feel that strangers being in and out of their room may put their personal items at risk. Those who become regulars will definitely put him/her at ease. If you and your roommate are very good friends this process may be easier because you may hang out in the same group. As a side note, make sure to discuss how you feel about friends hanging out in your room when neither of you are there. Also talk about items such as who can spend the night and how often. Make sure that you are always aware of one another's feelings and that you attempt to be fair. 

Issue 3 - Common Property

There are many items that roommates share from TV, CD players, chairs and more. It is important to ask about what is considered common property and what is personal. He/she may not want you on their laptop. They may be ok with you borrowing their second backpack from time to time to lug books to the library. When it comes to items like TV's let one another know what programs are you're must see programs and create a schedule or tape programs. Make sure you ask and that you do not allow your friends to borrow items or use things that are not yours. Another issue within this grouping includes food. Find out what items are available to you and what is not. Many issues occur when people's care packages have been nibbled into. If by chance this happens attempt to replace these items and make a note not to do this again. 

Issue 4 - Personal Time

It is ok to ask for time that you may be in the room by yourself. Everyone is entitled to personal time and if you would like half an hour to an hour this is not inappropriate to ask for. Maybe there is a portion of time within your roommates schedule that can accommodate this. You may or may not be able to have this everyday but you can have it a couple of times a week. This time also extends into when you want to hang out with other people without him/her. Sometimes roommates feel that they need space from one another even if they are the best of friends. This can be said in a polite way so that no one feels offended but it is essential that it is stated. This can cause problems if this is not expressed. In addition, if family is coming for the day make sure your roommate knows they are coming and is aware that you may want to hang out with them in the room for awhile. Once again you may only be there for a few moments but maybe you wish to discuss personal things that you would rather not have said in front of them. 

Issue 5 - Built-in Friend

Some people assume that a roommate is another word for a built-in friend. The relationship between a roommate can be one of many - a best friend, someone you respect or simply someone you live with. You may have extensive conversations or basic pleasantries. Through time you will know the nature of your friendship and even those with others on your floor; however, you should make additional connections with others around you. Your roommate should not be the only person that you talk with and share all your problems with. Many times roommates feel that they are obligated to be the sole ear to their partners problems and feel awkward in stating that they are not interested in this role. If you feel that you and your roommate have different views on how you perceive your relationship, make sure that you state this in the best manner possible. This is not to hurt anyone's feelings; however, the smaller the space the more necessary it is to be honest and make sure that you maintain peace between one another. If you and your roommate are best friends or have become so and are having disputes, make sure you have an RA mediate. You want to maintain your relationship without getting off track with personal issues.

These are the main issues that can arise when having a roommate and they tend to happen to everyone. Always remember to put yourself in the place of someone else when you are explaining how you feel. Many times this is simply a misunderstanding or someone didn't realize that when you gave them a prolonged look that there was their warning that you were not pleased with a certain behavior. Although talking it out between yourselves is the best first step, following through with your suggestions on how you will resolve it is essential. If you feel that you have done so and have still not moved on from this issue - explain that you think it would be best to include your RA. This way no one is surprised when this is introduced. Agree that whatever the RA recommends, you will follow so the issue is resolved and you can move on. Generally, the university is not interested in switching roommates and encourages people to work through their issues in an amicable way. With time and open communication, you will be able to live with your roommate and learn a lot about yourself and how you work with others.

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